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Hope Is Beyond You

Hope Is Beyond You

Hope is the belief that the future is better and there’s a way to get there. Blake, my 9 year-old son, sitting in the front seat of the car, staring out the window said, “Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a Coach like you… and travel with you.” I don’t tell you this so you’ll think I am a great Dad.  I’ll be honest; I have my doubts.  Not in Blake, but in what I’m giving him.  You probably know this from raising kids – it’s so day-to-day that it’s easy to feel lost in it.  Sometimes I find myself thinking, “What am I doing? Is it working?” A CEO said something in a call that I’ll never forget, “James, I told myself this week that I am not enough.” He paused and then I could hear it click for him, “After years of trying to prove myself – I finally have hope.” Now, I have a Master’s degree in asking questions, but this one was not...

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What Has To Change?

What Has To Change?

“The more I push, the more they complain.” I could hear my client’s frustration, he said almost giving up,  “The angrier I get, the less I see in my team.” You know what’s ironic?  The change we want for others, has to start with us. People around you are going to keep doing what they’ve been doing or not doing, unless you change what you’re doing.  I’ve been coaching for 12 years, full time, and I’m still amazed at what I learn from the people I talk with every day.  Change is not something that can be told, it’s something that’s realized. Some of the hardest people to coach are those that say, “I don’t need to change.”  And I was surprised he actually said it.  This 55 year old executive started our coaching relationship with these words, “James, I was brought in to change this company.  And they need it, not me.” Two months later, he was silent.  It had been week after week of coaching, and he...

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Not Listening To Me

Not Listening To Me

“What gets in the way of you listening?” I asked a group of executives, “Of you being present and focused on the person you’re with?” They were really honest, “Wondering what time it is. Thinking about what I’m going to say next. Relating what the person is saying to me. Deciding if what they’re saying is right or wrong. Planning the next thing on my schedule. People watching.” In the middle of all this, a man in his fifties said, “Me… I get in the way of listening to people” So much happens in our minds when people are talking to us, unfortunately so little of it has to do with what they are saying.  It’s the way our minds work.  Everything you hear you associate with what you already know.  Even the things that are brand new to you, are filed with the old stuff.  You take what others are saying and relate it to yourself.  That’s unfortunate. I remember my first coaching class when I was in graduate school,...

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Side By Side

Side By Side

I’m 6’6”.  Besides airplane bathrooms that is rarely an issue, except when you’re co-training with a 5’4” woman.  I remember at a break half-way through our training event she pulled me aside and said, “James, we have to get a stool.” I’ll be honest, the first thing that came through my head was, “She is NOT going to stand on a stool?!” Fortunately I have learned to ask questions, “What for?”  I asked. She said, “So you can sit on it!” Sometimes when we stand things next to each other we notice the differences. There’s a big difference in leaders that use their positions to lead, and leaders who lead people.  Positional leaders sit in the offices thinking “I’m responsible for this.”  Launching Leaders have a well worn path to the offices of the people on their team, creating a shared sense of responsibility and inspiring a shared vision. Positional Leader:  Sees people in need of their help Launching Leader:  Sees people as healthy creative and whole Positional Leader: Wants...

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Created Space

Created Space

I was speaking at a leadership retreat, and right in the middle of an afternoon session on relational leadership, I said, “Let me show you.  Let’s demo this, who wants to volunteer to come up and talk about something you want to move forward on?”  Nobody moved, except their eyes, looking away.  Crickets. Finally a guy at one of the side table said, “Oh, alright.”  And as he got up the group of leaders broke out in a nervous applause. We sat on 2 chairs in the front of the room and I said, “How do you want to use this conversation?” “I need to learn to let go of control of the people I manage.”  he said. Wow!  That’s real.  Impressed with his honesty in front of his peers, I asked, “What’s the picture of you letting go of control?” He was quiet for a moment… then he said something so profound, “Letting go is me not holding onto people. I need to become a catalyst for more...

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Launching People

Launching People

After dinner is wrestle time in my house. My kids and I get on the floor and it’s a free for all.  Often Blake will say, “Daddy can you make us fly?” Do you know what that is? Yeah… I lay with my back on the floor and my feet up in the air and my kids sit on my feet and I launch them into the air, higher than they could ever jump on their own.   They love it! That’s what great leaders do… get on their back, stick their feet up in the air and they launch people… higher than they could go on their own.  They serve by launching and their people love it! Launching people is really big. I was training a group of leaders and I told them this story of making my kids fly.  As I got done with the story, a guy, probably in his forties, interrupted me and said, “James, I can remember my Dad doing that with me as a...

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