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Success Is Not Enough

Success Is Not Enough

  “Where do I go from here?” People hire a coach for lots of reasons, and I could tell that she’d been waiting to ask this question.  She had this presence about her that made her feel far away from me in the conversation.  I was intimidated.  She wasn’t stuck.  She wasn’t confused.  She had arrived. It reminds me of when my daughters were little, I took them camping and I left all the food on the counter at home.   A 3 and 5 year old, 6 o’clock at night and an hour and a half away from the nearest McDonalds, the nearest anything.  It was classic. When you arrive at what you’ve wanted, it often doesn’t feel like what you hoped for.  This woman was smart, entrepreneurial and unwilling to stop.  And now, she had come to a place she had never been before. Nothing else to push for. “How do you rest?” I asked. “James, I don’t rest.” And from the way she said it, I believed...

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Catching Up

Catching Up

I’m coaching a 47 year old woman, and the truth is she has become a real friend.  She said something last week that of all people I wouldn’t expect her to say, “I’m not good enough.” But that’s not where the conversation began, it started with, “James, I’m gaining weight again.” “What’s underneath the weight gain?” I asked her. “I don’t know.  But, there is something bigger here.”  Then she started laughing, hearing what she just said, “I’m not talking about me… I guess what’s bigger here is that I’ve not made myself a priority.  Everything and everybody else seems to get my time, and I don’t take care of myself. “What has to shift,” I asked, “for you to be a priority? And that is when she said it, ”I have to believe that I’m worth it.  It sounds weird, but believe that I’m good enough.” People don’t say that out loud even if they feel it.  And she kept going, “I feel tarnished and damaged.  And when...

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Eating With 85 Year Old Women

Eating With 85 Year Old Women

“James, I’m eating dinner with her in the cafeteria at the care home and she thinks we are at a reception on a cruise ship.” One of the guys I coach told me, “I never eat dinner with her for an hour and a half, but I just had a sense that this was a special time.  So I lingered.  And with her dementia, she was out of it most of the conversation.  But there were three statements that she said, in the midst of lots of random incoherent thoughts, but those three things I don’t think I’ll ever forget.” I was on the edge of my seat. “This frail old women looked me in the eyes from across the table, she was peering into me, and said, ‘You don’t have very many years to do what you’re supposed to do…’ And then she went on talking about the dancing happening around her. We kept eating and then again she looked right at me, ‘Keep it short… those things...

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