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Side By Side

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I’m 6’6”.  Besides airplane bathrooms that is rarely an issue, except when you’re co-training with a 5’4” woman.  I remember at a break half-way through our training event she pulled me aside and said, “James, we have to get a stool.” I’ll be honest, the first thing that came through my head was, “She is NOT going to stand on a stool?!” Fortunately I have learned to ask questions, “What for?”  I asked. She said, “So you can sit on it!” Sometimes when we stand things next to each other we notice the differences. There’s a big difference in leaders that use their positions to lead, and leaders who...

Catching Up

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I’m coaching a 47 year old woman, and the truth is she has become a real friend.  She said something last week that of all people I wouldn’t expect her to say, “I’m not good enough.” But that’s not where the conversation began, it started with, “James, I’m gaining weight again.” “What’s underneath the weight gain?” I asked her. “I don’t know.  But, there is something bigger here.”  Then she started laughing, hearing what she just said, “I’m not talking about me… I guess what’s bigger here is that I’ve not made myself a priority.  Everything and everybody else seems to get my time, and I don’t take care...

Valuable

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A business owner I’ve coached for three year said to me, “I had a lull in my week, and my first thought was, ‘Uh-ho!  If I’m not busy, I’m not going to make enough money!'” But then she laughed, “James, that’s ridiculous.  Busyness doesn’t make me money.” “What makes you money?” I asked. She paused. And then she said it, like she finally meant it, “My value.” When I  grew up, I lived in a little town in Sonoma County, the wine country of California.  I rode my bike all over those hills, but it was the general store that had my bike parked out front most often.  Red vines for...

Created Space

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I was speaking at a leadership retreat, and right in the middle of an afternoon session on relational leadership, I said, “Let me show you.  Let’s demo this, who wants to volunteer to come up and talk about something you want to move forward on?”  Nobody moved, except their eyes, looking away.  Crickets. Finally a guy at one of the side table said, “Oh, alright.”  And as he got up the group of leaders broke out in a nervous applause. We sat on 2 chairs in the front of the room and I said, “How do you want to use this conversation?” “I need to learn to let go...